I love that movie. And now you’re pretty sure I’ve lost it, talking about an old movie that’s not biblical at all. (If you haven’t seen it and you need a sappy Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks love story set in an era before smart phones, check it out!). But I’m going to tug at a quote from the movie that has always caught my attention, that became real to me this week, and than then gave me a renewed reason for immersing myself in a pool of God’s character, and seeing one of my favorite Bible characters with a new understanding. Ready?
When you finally have the pleasure of saying the things you mean to say, at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows.
Meg Ryan as Kathleen (You’ve Got Mail)
I can relate to Meg; I find I rarely have quick wit and I have come up with the most fantastic come-backs minutes to days after they would have been “perfect”. I’m middle-child sensitive and abhor conflict (I think I may have mentioned that once or twice before). Well, today I was briefly accosted by an unhappy person who I’d never before met, who didn’t like the way I was going about my daily activities. In a split second I was given the chance to respond, and even I surprised myself with a curt “no” and then I went about my business. (I only heard the beginning of the unhappy response). Only a couple of seconds and it was over…and of course I beat myself up for hours afterwards. This would have been a perfect response…..maybe I should have just smiled and acquiesced…that wasn’t very Jesus-like…I cannot believe they said that…this may have been one of the times Jesus would have yelled and turned something over…I still can’t believe this happened, how funny…I’m so mad, this isn’t funny…oh my goodness, I’ve made them so mad they’re going to the authorities…if I ever see them again, I’m going to give the the whole piece of my mind…I think I’ll be sick if I ever see them again…. (So now you can tell I’m definitely not perfect).
Well the day passed with no more chance meetings…and no authorities…and I continued to have these thoughts. I know enough to try to isolate these swirling thoughts, to try to identify if there is any truth in them, and if not then work to invalidate them. But several of these were along the line of “what is the Christian response” and that troubled me. I like to be right…and of course I was right in my own eyes…so do I try to “have the pleasure of saying the thing I mean to say, at the moment I mean to say it” i.e. stand up for myself or do I try to validate myself or do I simply let it go? I felt a nudge to go back through stories in the Bible which could give me some help, guidance, justification…anything.
The character that came to mind first was a favorite, the prophet Elijah. Oh yes, this is perfect, calling out the King for bringing trouble to Israel, calling out the priests of false gods and killing them, praying and having God answer in a consuming fire….I like where this is going. But a different story was coming this time; the scenario and even the words were the same, but an understanding of who said them began to change. There are powerful-speaking individuals in the Bible, fantastic long moving speeches….and yet Elijah was a man of relatively few words. Read them for yourself in 1 Kings 17, 18 and 19. Elijah doesn’t sound like someone who likes to talk for the sake of hearing his own voice, he doesn’t have eloquent written speeches prepared (God sends him to speak with the King two separate times and then Elijah disappears), and he even runs away after Jezebel threatened his life for the lives of her prophets. (This last story is one I’ve mentioned before The Test …and has never quite been in character with the Elijah I’ve pictured before).
So….why did Elijah say what he said…and…did he regret it? Whoa, I’d never had that thought before. What was he actually thinking as he said those words? No-where is it documented that God told Elijah the words to say. Did Elijah decide on his own the words to say to the King and the people? And was he instantly filled with remorse?
My revelation today…after my minor but personally troubling interaction…after thinking about Elijah…. Elijah said what he said without thinking or planning. It was acceptable to God because Elijah had spent time learning God’s character. It is very likely he regretted what he said, and thought about it a thousand times over afterwards (stop here for a second….look at the sentences Elijah said in 1 Kings…now follow them with the phrases that ran through my head after I said what I said…interesting huh?)…while he was even running for his life. I’m not perfect. Neither was Elijah. I could have said so much worse responses. Elijah could have said worse things, too. Through all of Elijah’s trials, God was ultimately praised because of what Elijah said and did. Lesson for me: if I immerse myself in God’s character (as found by spending time with Him), then when I speak probably without thinking, I am promised God is with me and guides me and therefore even when what I say may sound loud/strong/soft/weak/angry/simple I can trust Him to care for me afterward.
And I can learn to trust God and not fear the remorse that “inevitably follows.” So keep your remorse, ShopGirl.
