The lesson came with broken glasses. The drinking kind. It shouldn’t have mattered…glasses are glasses. But these were ‘special.’ Why? I guess I just liked them…all eight had survived years and spouses and moves and kids and animals and thousands of washings. In my mind they were a constant…amazing how ‘constant‘ becomes something that we as humans cling to.
Life has been a massive amount of change lately…oh Change. I have gone through a lot of letting go this year, as many have besides me.
The first glass to break was an incidental ‘uh oh, look at this little crack.’ Hmmm…had I noticed that before? I think so. Maybe it’s been a defect there all along. Not an evidence of weakness…of wear and tear… Then the fatal ‘honey, look, it’s gotten bigger.’ Thanks hubs, way to point out that my ‘constant’ has indeed shown weakness…that change may be happening. ‘We should just throw it out before it breaks in the dishwasher.’ I know honey, I even agree…so why does it feel like a part of me is breaking too? Seven glasses instead of eight, it’s almost as good as it was. We don’t have to look for replacements yet….
Within days. ‘Oh no, babe…look another one with a crack in it.’ Really??? All at once? I can see where this is going…yes, just throw it away. I can wash 6 more often and make it look like eight. My life is still whole…it’s silly to cry over this, they’re material things. They don’t represent my life. “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on this earth…..” I know this one well. I can do this.
My identity has changed. I’ve given up on a dream…another dream. God spoke, I willingly signed up. I’m excited about the future, I can see it will be good. But can’t I hang on to my previous identity while adopting this new one? By removing myself from this dream, I’ve had to remove myself from other people….this hurts. Can’t I have it all? Do I have to change too?
This morning…I was up very late last night working on necessary steps to this change process. My constant has been constant…I don’t know what life looks like after this…but I can manage it all, right? My kids were putting away dishes….a massive shattering behind me stopped everything. I knew what had happened without turning….glass 6 was now in millions of sharp pieces around behind me and surrounding her. As my human heart shouted NO! I calmly said ‘don’t move’ and turned around, lifting her from the shards that surrounded her. I swept, I vacuumed, I didn’t shout, the kids moved on….I reflected.
God, these glasses didn’t break until now. This is significant isn’t it? “Yes Child.” The same voice that told me ‘it’s time’ was speaking. I can’t keep the old me, I have to be broken, don’t I? “Yes Child.” But walking out of a dream is hard. I’ve done it before. It broke me. “It became something more beautiful. You had to go through the change for the next step. Each step has been important. There will be more breakage in the future, too. But I’ve brought you through it before, I promise to do it again. And what would you give up now that you have, that you didn’t have before?” Nothing, Lord, You have so blessed me beyond what I ever had pictured. It’s truly better now. “So trust me…trust me through the breakage.”
Down to five glasses…and I’m already picturing what the new ones will look like. It’s time.
Behold, I make all things new.
Revelation 21:5
