I know I’m not perfect. Not by a long-shot. I’d survived the week but barely. I commonly tell people “as long as you’re winning, even if it’s a small win, you’re progressing.” But by the end of this week I realized I had not won, not even a small win. It was sobering. The chaos around me had pulled me in. My mind was swimming, my tone was harsh, my tongue was sharp.
“From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Psalm 61:2
I found this Bible verse when I was chaos-ridden as a teenager. I have clung to it since I’d found it. I love it, my Jesus my Rock, who is the only solid thing in this sea. But this week…this week the sea was bigger. It wasn’t that there was a storm that had knocked me off of of this Rock. No, no the waters had just risen to the point that my Rock was no longer reachable. The chaos was all around and had taken me with it. I was powerless in the sea. I was trying all the healthy recovery methods I knew…prayers, exercise, sleep, staying up, friends, family…nothing was helping.
Again, I’m not perfect. And I know I’m not alone. I talk to a lot of people; I hear similar words.
So what do you do when chaos wins? When you can’t even find a small win?
Even this morning I woke up, having survived the week on the sea without anything to rest my feet upon, and I thought “where do I find rest?” I know the Bible verses “Come to me and I will give you rest” but I’d looked in all the usual places. Jesus, where are you? Then I heard a song playing and the words, some of my favorite, caught me. The noise around me faded. The chaos subsided. The waters were still deep, covering the Rock….but I was being born up on wings as strong and sure as an eagles. The Lord is my Rock in the midst of a sea….but He also lifts me up to fly above the waters when I cannot swim anymore.
[God] will not grow tired or weary, and [God’s] understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young [women] stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31
When you can’t find God your Rest where you normally have, don’t despair. He promised to be there. And you may just have to look for him in the skies. He is able to lift you up, out of the chaos. And when you’re riding on Eagle’s wings, the noise subsides. And you find rest.
