It’s day I-don’t-know-what of quarantine. I’m hungry. Not because we have run out of food…we are blessed. Because I need God to be tactile today. And I need prayer to be a focus today.
I’ve done a fast before. It was a juice fast. I still don’t remember quite the reason. (I don’t like juice, so that was difficult.) And frankly one of the Bible verses that sticks out to me is in Matthew 6 verses 16-18 “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting…..But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” That is one I’ve been raised with. Biblical leaders would fast to show they were being pious. More holy. It was a ritual.
However fasting was not considered something bad to do; in Biblical times fasting occurred in times when great help was needed. When Jonah proclaimed judgment on Nineveh, the king commanded humans and animals alike to not “taste anything; do not let them eat and drink….” (Jonah 3:7). When Jesus prepared to begin his ministry, he fasted in the wilderness for 40 days. When Esther was preparing to go before her husband the king of Persia at great risk for her own life, in order to save those of her people, she asked that all the Jews in the area be gathered to not “eat or drink” for 3 days (Esther 4:15). The list could go on…it’s actually interesting to look at all these instances when people chose or were asked/commanded to fast.
My stomach is growling; I just fixed the kid’s lunches. I am just abstaining from food, am allowing water. But I just talked about this is not to be a public thing (the benefit of posting this after it actually happened). I have not told my husband, and fortunately we tend to eat separate from the kids due to crazy schedules. Why again am I doing this?
Let’s continue with the Biblical scenarios we mentioned above. What came WITH the fasting. Prayer. The purpose of fasting is to pray. And to pray in earnest.
I said above that I need to feel God. And I needed my prayer to be a focus. How does this happen when I’m complaining. Sure, we are told that some foods cloud our mental process. But fasting isn’t just ‘giving up a food…’. To a certain level I am convinced that the purpose of fasting is to FEEL, to feel our need of God, to make prayer more than just a quick line ‘beamed’ to heaven. When I feel hungry, I feel my need of God. When I feel a little (a lot) cranky, I sense my dependence on God.
Truth? Today I have a heart ache and anxiety that I have been struggling with for a couple of months and the verdict comes up tonight. It’s been easy to put a smile on my face and say “it’s in God’s hands” and “God’s will be done.” But I have been convinced that this is a fight against the Devil himself, and the verdict affects so many people, my family included. I feel like I have worked so very hard, fought my own silent battle while still trying to remain upbeat. Last night I was racking my brain with ‘is there anything else I can do? I can write a letter. I can be demanding. I can throw my name around.’ And I heard God say ‘you can fast and pray.’ Just like that. And then I slept…I remembered that “It is not by power nor by might or abilities of our own, but by the Spirit of God that we will live fruitful lives in the Lord’s service on this earth.” Zechariah 4:6.
A huge reminder to me (and you) is that this is NOT a sure-fire way to get ‘what I want.’ We most certainly are to fast and pray with the anchor in the following line ‘but Thy will be done’ as Jesus Himself prayed in the Garden before his crucifixion. But understand that these prayers are for particular purposes, we ARE placing our specific requests before the God of Heaven. God said he would destroy Ninevah, the king and people prayed that they would be spared. Esther had admitted her fear at facing death, she asked for death not to be the result and strength to do the job. It is not un-holy to pray for a specific holy outcome, to plead your case, to show God your willingness to change perhaps who you were and how you used to act. You also have shown your willingness to trust Him with His answer. (Remember that Sodom and Gomorrah were ultimately destroyed, despite Abraham’s holy requests.)
What I have taken this day for is a whole day of communication and reliance between God…and me. No, I will not tell you what the result of today’s fasting and prayers were. Regardless of the answer, I will rely on God to supply my needs, and not rely on my own letter writing, my own efforts, my own anything. And I will thoroughly enjoy the food he has provided for me after the fast. (Praying….every time I smell food…thank you God for this experience….Not my will be done but yours….7 p.m. cannot come soon enough…but still thankful…). And before you praise me for being strong…I’m not…this is a LOT of prayer here people. One day….consider trying this. But nobody needs to know…pray with focus. Feel God. With every hunger pain.
