Where I came from, the cottonmouth was another name for a poisonous snake. No, this post isn’t about snakes.
When was the last time you found your mouth dry, and not in a medical sense. Was it grief? Shock? This reaction is usually a response to something unexpected. It’s usually not a happy experience, whatever may be the cause. It’s usually hard to talk, and nearly impossible to swallow. To complicate matters, your heart is usually pounding out of your chest (or has it stopped beating?), your mind is frozen, an emotion is overwhelming you and yet it seems like countless waves of other emotions are also fighting to overtake you.
I don’t think I have to elaborate for you to know what has been going on in my life lately; the story is somewhat irrelevant, but the reaction was the same nonetheless. I pride myself in being tough, but when this news hit…it was blood rushing in my ears, heart pounding, fear with a good wave of disbelief and anger and sadness all at the same time fighting. And yes, the cotton mouth. My brain was working as well as my mouth was…nothing was happening.
I had a whole week before I got to address this event, actually work the problem. And in that week I learned a whole lot about myself, and a whole lot more about God. The initial thoughts I’d had “God, where are you? How could you let this happen, I TRUSTED you!” had calmed relatively quickly; out puttering in my pathetic flowerbed and pulling weeds, I felt the nudge of a loving God, the whisper of a sweet Counselor. The thought came to me ‘the Devil is fighting for you and your calm…resist the Devil.’ And I felt the battle lines being drawn for my peace.
In all of this, God brought me back to the Living Word. To stories I knew but I hadn’t really understood as well…until I felt the same cottonmouth that these Biblical characters also must have experienced.
Adam and Eve….being called by name by their Creator after they had broken his one rule and bringing death upon all the Earth. Can you hear the quaver in the voice, feel the rasp of the throat “….we’re here Lord…and we’re naked”
Abraham…when commanded to sacrifice his miracle son to test his faith. “You want me to take Isaac…to be the…SACRIFICE?!” Can you feel the way the word chokes as it comes out? And what does he tell his wife who was old when she had Isaac, much less now. I am certain he could hardly get a ‘good bye, yes we’ll be careful’ past the choke in his throat as he and Isaac left her back at camp, unable to look her in the eye.
Joseph…first being thrown into a hot pit by his hateful brothers, then being sold to slave traders and seeing his father’s tents in the distance as he was led to what must have felt like hell. Even if he could have called out loud enough, the fear choking him, the great unknown. “Abba…father!” Then, once life had gotten ‘as good as it’s going to get’ as a slave, the false accusations which put him in prison for life. “Jehovah, my Father, where are you?” Then being forgotten again. “Why?” Despair and discouragement squeezing his throat tight, feeling a thirst for freedom greater than water for a slave.
Moses…God speaking to him miraculously “go back to Egypt, it’s time for my people to come out.” Fear taking hold of him, Moses had been the hope of the nation but then had ‘gotten away with murder’…why would he go back? His mouth was dry enough that his tongue stuck to his mouth, causing the words to break “bu-bu-but-t-t I-I-I d-d-don’t sp-sp-sp-speak we-we-well”.
Elijah…walking up to the king who blamed him for all the problems of the country…facing 400 evil priests….all during a 3 year drought. It’s right to think if him as shouting, but he had no other hope of survival except believing that the mighty God would intervene and answer his prayer…it had been so much easier when God had given him water to drink and hidden him away. “Pour the water on…on the altar…until even the rocks are saturated with more water than we’ve seen in 3 years.” Parched dry ground, parched mouth.
Esther…told to risk her life for her people or die with them… She was a queen, could they really kill her? Her parents already dead…the last queen had lost her crown for disobeying palace rules…she could hardly breathe but her heart was beating so fast, she wished she wasn’t showing fear but, oh, terrors, her heart has stopped, she hears angry shouting, if only she could call out…
Daniel…as an aged man, dropped into a den of lions…. Mary being told she’s pregnant…. Saul learning that the One he’s persecuting has knocked him down and blinded him… The stories go on and on.
It’s so easy for us since we likely have heard these stories over and over to have lost the reality that these Bible characters felt OUR emotions. They suffered our FEAR, our DOUBTS, our ANGER, our DESPAIR. And yet they persevered. They did not stop. They found a way to speak anyway, to work hard anyway, to study and change anyway, to take on the risk anyway. And God provided; and even in some cases, provided others to speak for them.
I have to remember that Jesus is there. He’s in the stories of the Bible. He’s providing the same peace when my heart doesn’t want to steady. Giving me calm so I can say the words I am afraid to say. Providing someone to speak for me if need-be. So remember that you’re not alone. Others have passed before you and I. Close our eyes, will our heart to be strong and calm, remember the poise and bravery of those who have gone before, open our mouth, and trust God to get us through the next step.
